Black lives matter.

Besides curing my rabies with the booster series. not much has been happening with me. I don't have corona virus, I repaired my relationship with Zed, and honestly besides ZONE keeping me at a distance (understandably so, after my last manic break), my friendships with everyone else have been closer than ever and on the up and up.

I talk to Zed almost every day, if not multiple times and I'm helping him through depression, just like he helps me through mine. We're getting through the breakdowns. It was hard, but I'm healing. Even better, I've done a lot of writing!

My Babsconline panel went relatively well and can be watched here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6zNH6QaNl0 This is the very first panel I ever gave!

I also wrote a new chapter of The Many Lives of a Dead Moth as well: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/466364/4/the-many-lives-of-a-dead-moth/rationalization

I've uploaded some of the art I've done. It's not a lot because I've been busy brainstorming or gaming instead. I have been very burnt out so new pieces that are actually good are few and far between.

CyberMyth0s is still updating with new chapters and drafts as well for The Droids In The Low Castle: https://www.reddit.com/r/CyberMyth0S/

That's proceeding nicely and Vrexon, Mousetrap, ZONEtron, Shankar and MythOS are all taking shape as these fully realized characters. I might rewrite it all somewhere down the line but I can feel myself starting to care for them and wonder things like "Will Vrexon ever find love again, besides Mia weighing him down like an anchor?" and "Will ZONEtron be able to do her duty as a combat medic and healer like she was meant to?"

I am afraid that the end of Mia's story will not be a happy one. The immortal rarely are, you know. And in this case, only a black hole can "cure" her condition...

I write so much, I have honestly changed describing myself as an animator and started calling myself a writer. If that's what I'm doing everyday and that's what I hope to publish in a year or two years time, that makes me a writer. I honestly am published, but I want to publish MORE. I'm greedy like that!

That, and it would be nice if my writing paid me instead of me paying for software for a change!

Oh boy! I hope I don't blow it!

https://online.babscon.com/schedule

I'm riding the hype wave and honestly, it's pretty great. Got a couple of pictures that need to be colored and that I can post here. They're on @MidnaPurity for now. Lauren Faust also belatedly friended me on Facebook. I got excited for all of 20 minutes then stopping caring as depression sank its teeth into me again.

I'm having a lot of fun on Roiland's Minecraft server. She's very sweet. I did not know Roiland was trans but the fact the name was Miescha across every platform probably should have tipped me off.

Harmon seems nice too, but his server is very dead. I left one due to inactivity. I never do anything by halves so when I start something, I slowly ramp the obsession up until it gets a little crazy. And that's good. We don't want full-crazy anymore. February and March were bad enough!

As an animator, people need to stop being surprised when I have industry connections. Of course I have connections and clout. Who, at my skill level and middle age, wouldn't?

I just don't know why people doubt me/hate me. They should love me. God knows I draw all this art for them, not for myself. I hate myself and I want to die. I'm only driven by desperation and craving the affection and engagement of others, while feeling invisible and useless.

My many talents are just wasted potential, blowing in the wind.

I pitch next week to Adult Swim on Thursday and honestly, I expect more of the same. Nothing ever changes for me. Nothing ever improves.

I guess I'll just flood NG with all my microblogging I used to contain to Twitter. I consulted TheLonerCat, my sister and she says Omen is a better name than Dracila because the ending is like Cyran.

So Omen (Nemo backwards, btw, Captain Nemo reference) is going to eventually contract Devilstongue, the same thing that kills Blucini's mom whose name I literally forgot already but anyway the dramatic irony is that if Cyran befriended Blucini early on, she could have stopped his daughter from suffering.

Major plot element, actually, the thing that is endgame by the end. So Cyran's motivation to spoil his daughter and his daughter's sweetness is the thing that is his Achilles heel.

I am so bored!!!

I don't even wanna upload anything here because it's too many damn sites to update so I just dump it all on reddit, twitter, and discord

tbh I haven't made anything I'm proud of in so so so long

I don't feel any older yet...?

I had a great 34th birthday and a blackberry cake my mom and sister made for two hours (!) and we're going to make homemade sushi today and rent Sonic the Hedgehog as belated gifts, since quarantine rained on our plans a bit?

I still haven't made up with ZONE (is it even possible? I honestly have no idea...) and Tiarawhy and Zed001 are still my true blue friends. We've had some drama/in-fighting due to my psychotic breakdown and that wasn't a fun time for anyone.

It was touched off by Tiarawhy getting COVID19 and I spent five days straight without sleep, hallucinating the voice of an eldritch tentacle demon (ZONEsama) ... I would just lie in bed and shake as my body spasmed over and over. True hell.

All My Friends Are Fake

My sister let me visit her island in Animal Crossing and it was so much fun!

I also unlocked Bob and Kiki as villagers! Yaya! Yayifications!

I just have a lot on my mind? I stopped hallucinating and I think I got a couple hours sleep. I started drafting the SCP version of MythOS, which has been on my to do list for a while, along with the Animal Crossing + Parahumans 2 mash up WeaverDice thing.

I did more art for the Cybernetic Duels character designs... some vocal tracks for upcoming songs.... not a bad day at all! Besides a bitter fight with my mom.

ZONE and Tiarawhy and Zed001 and me are all past the crisis point, I think. It took a lot of days of furious discussion but everything is settling back to normal. Just the usual flare up of tempers between close friends stressing out due to the end of the world...

god damn it....